What it means to encourage
A few years ago I wrote about ‘tiny courage’ - the idea that the biggest gains in life come from the exhibition of the tiniest amounts of courage. Send the email you’re nervous to send. Genuinely invite the person seated opposite you to buy your service at the sales meeting. Be honest when you're tempted to use a white lie instead (this is the big one, I reckon, but that’s a story for another day).
On the advice of my friend and mentor Peter Cook, I keep what he calls a ‘legend file’ - for me it takes the form of a tag in Evernote called “People saying nice things about me”. Any time I want to pick up my spirits, I filter my notes by that tag and relive compliments and messages of appreciation from friends and colleagues. If you don’t have a legend file, I strongly recommend it.
A recurring theme in my legend file is encouragement. It turns out, of the people in the world who appreciate my help, many of them appreciate the encouragement they receive from me. So, in the absence of any other qualifications on the topic, I’m going to take that as a green light to share a few thoughts about what it means to encourage people.
Sometimes the etymologies of the most obvious words escape us, and I must admit that it wasn’t so long ago that I realised the word ‘encourage’ literally means “to give courage”.
What I realised recently while re-reading my blog about ‘tiny courage’ was that for many people, encouragement usually takes the form of giving (or at least, attempting to give) ‘big courage’. Big courage: moving to a new country, quitting an unrewarding job, going public with your sexuality in an unforgiving family or social environment, ending a long term relationship - big courage takes a lot to develop. A few encouraging words from your ol’ mate Col probably won’t (and shouldn’t) be enough to motivate you into exhibiting big courage.
But tiny courage? I can give you that. While you’re still doubting yourself I can hold that belief for you, so that you’ll get out of your own way and do that little thing that needs doing. That little thing that builds a bit of belief. That little thing that builds a little more courage. This is the secret of tiny courage. It’s an exponential system. Start small, and the benefits multiply.
I’d like to conclude this little missive by offering you, dear reader, a bit of tiny courage. I encourage you to find someone in your life; friend, family, colleague, whoever; and offer them a bit of tiny courage.
Why? Because it takes a tiny bit of courage to extend yourself warmly to someone in that way, and I want to share that tiny bit of courage with you. Now.
Do it! You know you can! You know it’ll be awesome!
Can you feel that little spark?
Yes?
Do it!
Bring the same little spark to someone else. They’ll appreciate it, and they’ll appreciate you.
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Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash