The over-focus on self

If you ask a colleague who has a big presentation tomorrow what they’re hoping for, they’ll usually answer something like:

“I hope I remember everything”.

“I just don’t want to embarrass myself or forget what I’m saying”.

“I hope my boss thinks I do alright”.

Which means that subconsciously, just as we think the world is going to shit even when the data tells us otherwise (as Pinker is oft to point out), our decision-making is effected more by a small number of dramatic problems than it is by a near-overwhelming amount tiny compounding positive improvements.

As you read over those examples, you might notice a theme. The theme is the word “I”, and the over-focus on self, which is extremely common among beginner speakers.

It’s understandable that we’re concerned about ourselves. By agreeing to give a presentation, we’re exposing ourselves to considerable emotional, reputational, and professional risk. It’s not unreasonable that we should be concerned for our own welfare in such a situation.

The problem is, that concern often manifests itself in rather unhelpful ways.

It's generally more useful and constructive to worry less about yourself and instead cultivate a concern and curiosity for the experience of the audience. Any time I find myself introspecting on stage, stressing about my performance or wondering what I'm going to say next (and yeah, it definitely still happens even after all these years of practice), I try to get curious about someone else as soon as possible.

I might turn to someone in the audience and ask "what are you thinking about this topic?".

Their answer, whatever it might be, gives me an opportunity to get out of my own head, into their world, and back into the flow of the experience.

The paradox of public speaking is that it's all about you, but it's not about you at all.